Part 3 of 5

So now that we’ve had quite a few days to consider some foundational aspects of parenting, let’s focus on one key area of disciplining.

I don’t know about you, but I have never disciplined out of anger and had any good come of it. That’s why it is best to have already discussed standards both with your spouse(so that you can be on the same page) and your kids and have set consequences. Taking the guess work out of the discipline process takes the frustration away from the kids and the emotional swings away from parents.

Part of being pro-active as a parent is the disbursing of information. As our children become morally mature to handle information, we need to present it to them along with the biblical worldview of the information. Sex, pornography, eating disorders, self-image, friends, drugs, alcohol, homosexuality, abortion, dating, curse words, and politics are but just a bare scratch of the surface. It’s important for us as parents to realize that we can’t possibly protect them from pitfalls, but we most certainly can talk to them about tough issues, give them answers, lead them to scripture, listen to their fears/concerns, be their biggest encourager, and pray with them. Believe it or not, part of Disciplining your middle schooler is teaching them to have disciplined thinking.   We can work toward this by reading books with our kids and talking about them together. Participate in their daily quiet time as they learn how to discern scripture for themselves and apply it to their lives, and role play, role play, role play!!!!

Have you caught on by now that I like to leave you with something to ponder before we pick the topic up again? It is so important to allow new information to sink in and settle where it should before we move on to the next thought process.

So, for this week, I would love for you to consider some area’s that beg communication with your child. As an example, I’m going to let you in on a recent situation that begged communication in our home.

Our 11 year old son finds it humorous to make comments about his 9 year old sister’s misuse of words. Of course, this sends her into tears and leaves the 11 yr old tickled. The exchange sends me into an outrage because I have my own emotional baggage. I remember feeling helpless and stupid when my brothers picked on me. After repeatedly not handling the reoccurrence of this situation very well, I finally yielded to prayer and got my answer!

When all was well with the world and the house was for the most part in a happy place, I pulled my son into his room. I explained that as part of my job of mom, I am responsible for insuring a safe place for all of my children to live and grow. I am part responsible for teaching each one the way of the Lord and assisting in their journey to independence. I explained that I have failed at my job because his little sister does not feel like this house is a safe place for her to be herself because of his criticism. We went through Romans 8:28-29 explaining that God made no mistake putting them together in this house. We are to learn and grow in Christ likeness from all our experiences. My son and I talked about some of the ways that God could be shaping his character as a result of being her big brother. Maybe he will be better equipped as a husband, maybe he will take a career in which he will need to be able to show compassion for things that he doesn’t understand.
 
After our talk, I let him know that his consequence for making fun of his sister will be a spray of vinegar in his mouth and if we are at home, he will have to go to his room for 30 min to think/pray/ponder Phil 2:1-8 and permanently changing in this area. Before I left the room, I reminded him that he’s only got 7 more years with us till he possibly will go away to college. We need to work together to make those years memorable in a good way.

See you in a few days for more on disciplining your middleschooler!

Click here for part 1 of 5: Disciplining Your Middle School Children [in the beginning]
Click here for part 2 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [punishment or training]
Click here for part 4 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [moral training]
Click here for part 5 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [discipline or vision]