A coffee filter is a coffee-brewing utensil, usually made of disposable paper.  Have you ever bought the wrong size coffee filters? Don't fret ... there are many other uses for them, so don't take them back to the store for a refund.  

Even if they aren’t the wrong size for your coffee maker, they can still be a perfect solution to many small problems around the house.  Best of all, you can buy 1,000 at the Dollar Tree for $1, even the large ones. 

Below are just a few of the many uses for coffee filters: 

Life is all about relationships.  Everything we do as a human being revolves around our relationships with each other.  Relationships are, therefore, ultimately a source of tremendous joy or great pain.  It’s all about having the tools necessary to enjoy rich, fulfilling and supportive relationships in every area of our life.

As we busy ourself living each day to the fullest we can easily become complacent assuming that we are right on track in our dealings with others.

Where do you fit on the relationship scale?  Is everything great and satisfying? Could there be room for improvement?   Or, are you unsure?

If you are unsure, why not ask those closest to you?  This question is very short but powerful.

“How can I be a better __________”? ( wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc.)

Then, honor yourself by sitting back, truly listening to the responses not allowing your ego to get the best of you. 

This approach can effectively help you to re-establish direct communication into any relationship.

Wishing you a life filled with healthy, happy, loving and lasting relationships!

Vernita Steege, Professional Life Skills & Business Coach
Keystone-Life Coaching for Positive Change
www.keystonelifecoaching.com
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
425-299-1379

Part 5 of 5

Alright! Now we come to the section that you’ve been waiting for. You are ready for me to list all the ways we should prepare to discipline our tween/teens.  Some of us are thinking…Oh no! Must bear down the hatches, the storm is about to hit! Dread fills when you think about the years to come.

We make a mental list of all the rules we must enforce so that our kids either don’t make mistakes in the next several years that will affect them for the rest of their lives or keep them from making the ones we’ve made. We can’t wait to give them privileges like cell phones and drivers licenses just so that we will have something really good to take from them when they cross the line.

Parents, this line of thinking is crazy! Why are we to assume that kids ranging from 10-18 are a menace to society and their only purpose in life is to rebel against us? Our kids are living out a self fulfilling prophesy of behaving selfishly and out of control. Who are we letting set the ideals? Are we as parents buying into this line of thinking?

I recently read a book that answered these questions. Do Hard Things  by Alex and Brett Harris. They explain the myth of the teenager and challenge youth to rebel against the low standards that society has set for them.

If you do a short study of history, you won’t have to look far before you stumble upon countless great accomplishments that were had by very young persons. So one must ask herself why 13 year olds once ran the family farm while all our 13 yr olds seem to accomplish is getting to the next level on their video games? 

It’s a fact that since the Industrial Revolution and Child Labor Laws, our teens no longer have the ability to exercise responsibility and accountability as they once did. So what are we as parents to do about it and how does this tie into the topic at hand: Discipline.

Allow me to tell you a story out of the Bible to drive a point home.

In scripture Paul writes, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” 1 Corinthians 13:11

Paul doesn’t indicate a period between his childhood years and his adult years. He also didn’t tell us when it was that he became a man. Since he was Jewish, we can assume that it was 13 years old, though. The fact that he may have been 13 leads me to another point. What magically happened at 13? I can only guess that it was the expectations that both his parents and society put on him and therefore the responsibility that was given. Paul lived up to the standard that was set for him. I imagine that he lived out his “teen” years learning more from the natural consequences of his decisions and behavior and less from the fact that his parents had a heavy hand of discipline weighing over him.

So while our teenage twins Alex and Brett challenge their fellow teens to live up to higher standards than have been set for them by our current society, I challenge my fellow mom’s (and dad’s, too!) to give our children something more to look forward to during their teen years than what is currently given. 

 How about helping our kids find area’s in which they are passionate and allow them to spend time discovering, learning, and training in them? What if they were so busy pursuing God given desires/abilities that they had no time to reek havoc?  What if the taste of accomplishment was sweeter than the lure of video games, hanging out, dressing for shock value, drugs, alcohol, sex…….?

 And when our kids are in need of discipline, how about expecting them to lecture us about what they did wrong instead of us lecturing them? How about we communicate with our kids in a kind and loving manner so that when conflict arises, the mutual respect will play into the problem solving process? What if we took the time to explain our position on the controversial issue at hand so that our kids will understand our rules and why we are so passionate about them adhering to them?  What if our kids had parents that loved them enough to put in the hard work of discipline as in the definition:  to develop (children’s) behavior by instruction and practice? What if we stop spoon feeding our young adults and start expecting them to act their age?

Well girls, we’ve come to the end of this topic. I hope that you have enjoyed our time together. I pray that your family will be blessed as a result of your diligence in considering the topics and key area’s we’ve talked about.  Mothering is often times a thankless job…I think that we all feel like failures to some degree. But don’t grow weary in doing good! Your children will one day rise up and call you blessed.

Click here for part 1 of 5: Disciplining Your Middle School Children [in the beginning]
Click here for part 2 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [punishment or training]
Click here for part 3 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [pro-active vs re-active]
Click here for part 4 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [moral training]

Part 4 of 5

Welcome back! I pray that you’ve had some great conversations with your child this week.

Let’s take time to consider the moral training of our kids today. We’ve all said it! “My child simply can’t perform up to the standard because….”

I recognize that all children are different. As a matter of fact, each one of our children requires slightly different correction both in content and enforcement because of their differing personalities. But personality development and moral training are not the same thing. Personality varies from child to child, from adult to adult. Moral training is the consistent standard set by scripture. No personality type is exempt from demonstrating kindness, patience, self-control, gentleness, humility, endurance, obedience, respect, honesty, integrity, or other virtues laid out for us in the Bible. Our job as parents is to continually bring our children to God’s standard and not lower the standard to suit our children.

So when we are facing a defiant child in need of Discipline, our job is to see the root problem and give correction. I don’t know about you, but I can’t always put my finger on the exact issue that drives my child to behave so horribly and come up with an appropriate consequence. My only advice here is to go back to our first point of not acting out of reaction, but take a moment to consider the context of the behavior and be proactive in its prevention.

In the moral training of our children, it is best to seek to train in times of non conflict. Using examples that you see in public or on TV is a great way to do this.  Have your kids role play the scenario with you, but making right choices. A good training opportunity is just one trip to the grocery store or mall away. Yes, I’m not afraid to throw other people’s kids under the bus if it will help train mine!

This week, I challenge us both to sit down and watch our kids favorite TV show with them. Keep your finger close to the pause button. Each time an interaction plays out, pause and talk about the issue at hand. When watching, think about the undertones. Parents constantly being out witted by kids, world without authority…parental or otherwise, the aggressiveness of girls in relationships, drama in dating relationships are but just a few.

Stay positive as much as possible. With all that begs our attention for correction, the energy to reward and acknowledge good moral behavior and thought processes tend to escape us.

Click here for part 1 of 5: Disciplining Your Middle School Children [in the beginning]
Click here for part 2 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [punishment or training]
Click here for part 3 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [pro-active vs re-active]
Click here for part 5 of 5: Disciplining your Middle School Children [discipline or vision]