Just in time for Halloween, my daughter and I discovered a freaky sight in our backyard.  Yep, it was a ginormous spider.  OK, ladies, there are three things that make my skin crawl more than anything: Clowns (creepy), balloons (those dang things scare the pee out of me when they pop), and spiders.  Big or small, hairy or slick, aggressive or passive.  It doesn’t matter.  Those arachnids must be sent to earth straight from the devil himself.  Yuck!!  Anyway, imagine my shock…no, wait….total loss of composure when I saw this:




She was hiding between our fence and our shed.  I think that’s her poor mate hanging there all wrapped up for dinner.  Nice, huh?
 
When my husband returned home that evening, my daughter and I were screaming, exasperated by the impending doom that we just knew was coming when this massive creature made her move to take over the world, or at the very least, our property.  You see, she had already constructed two disgusting pods filled with her hideous offspring.  Are you getting the idea that I strongly dislike spiders?  My husband thought we were hilarious, if not slightly histrionic.  Hmpf.  He just didn’t have the foresight to understand her evil plan.  He kept referring to the fact that I was the one who wanted to build on this piece of land, which backs up to the land leading to Lake Lewisville.  Fine.  Whatever.  Weak argument when our very lives were at stake!!

Fortunately for me, my husband agreed to gently dispose of Ms. Spider, but before he could get out there to do the deed, she died a natural death.  I went to check on her (you know, to be sure she hadn’t moved any closer to the house), and saw her lying on the ground, ghastly legs pointing skyward.  A part of me felt some amount of relief, but much to my surprise, I felt a twinge of regret.  It’s weird, but I think I had personified her to the point of admiration.  I mean, the old gal did give birth (or whatever they do) to , like, 9,000 kiddos, and I can barely keep up with three.  Maybe she wasn’t as bad as I made her out to be in my mind.  My daughter, on the other hand, was totally placated.  No matter, we were now sans freakishly huge spider, and we all slept a little better that night.  No doubt, my poor husband was just happy not to hear me talk about her incessantly! 

I hope you never have to feel conflicted about a spider lady like I did about my visitor.  Have a  Seriously Happy Halloween!

 
RIP Ms. Spider 2010-2010 Gone to that Big Spider Web in the Sky